Becoming Your Being | Sequence 0

Arriving and forgetting

Imagine sending your child to the supermarket and upon arrival they experience temporary amnesia forgetting completely the purpose of their visit. Would they return with something unwanted, nothing at all, or form a brand new desire and craving to try something new? Is everything new to someone free from the memory of their purpose, or free from the memory of their past? My whole life I thought this is what it means to have a Jewish mind, an expert in identifying the predisposition that is fundamentally flawed and being grateful for it! The continual questioning of our existence with simultaneous acceptance of what is. The insistence it’s for compassion and Universal justice no matter how dark the sequence appears. There’s even a term for this mindset, a Yiddishe kop, holding two contrasting thoughts simultaneously and accepting them both as truths; trying to make sense of everything! It’s the consequence of having my moon in Gemini, a Jewish mom, or being bipolar. Identifying this mindset doesn’t relieve the burden of the mind, what my friend Craig calls the pressure cooker. That intangible mist manifesting the illusion of pressure over time only to be relieved by time itself. Like a good batch of cholent¹, is Earth a cosmic kiln to extract our essence and improve the understanding of a higher form of potato? Or a more satiated self if we just wait! Imagine your own skin and bones making you not remember the very purpose of why you inhabited your skin to begin with. Without the core memory of your identity, the energy that animates the technology of your spectacular suit would freeze like a deer caught in the headlights of a Michigan dusk wondering why you are holding a box of Cocoa Krispies in the cereal aisle of Jonny Pomodoro’s.

Everything we do in this world has a revealed and a concealed element. The revealed part of sex for example is pleasure in the form of orgasmic reverberations. For the first thirty one years of my life I intuitively followed my inner compass, never deeply dwelling, pausing or reflecting on the consequences of actions and desires until seven years after I met Allison, the person revealing herself as my prospective soulmate. Driven by either the blindness of love, naivety or baseless trust, I was completely unaware that behind all the pleasures during our time together I was simultaneously downloading Allison’s cosmic memory with megabits of karmic pain, one or both of us, would eventually have to experience. In the heat of the act, it’s easy to convince both of us we’re experiencing pure physical pleasure; yet in a parallel and simultaneous reality a spiritual exchange downloads information directly from the sublime lexicon, the Akashic rolodex, the invisible silver chord in the sky stretching from the heavens and connecting to our innermost essence, the shining stardust of our soul. The cosmic candle no life experience ever extinguishes and can only escape at the termination of life itself when the light rushes back to its source. A space where there is no time, free from astrological predetermination. Here on Earth, my time and space is influenced by my zodiacal Scorpio’s nature which rules the eighth house of sex, death, secrets, spy games, suspicion, restless spirits and rebirth — a cozy compost heap where psychic forces and destiny intertwine. Where truth presents itself as a sequence of events that must be deciphered in order to untangle my soul from the snakely grip and paralysis of constantly wondering why must I experience this sequence to begin with? Have you ever paused life and wondered that? My living sequence of events would have my flesh, soul and bones meet the flesh, soul and bones of the one and only Allison, daughter of Robert and Jane. A seven year cycle that manifested creation and destruction, joy and anti-joy within the same space at varying times.  Before rushing into how we met, let me first tell you how my bones came to be.

1. Cholent is a traditional slow-simmering stew in Jewish cuisine